Technically, I am nine months sober, but the real triumph was getting through one of the almost acute anxiety attacks I have ever experienced *without* even the desire to take the edge off.
No, instead I just had to sit with being uncomfortable as fuck. My brain was on fire and before I knew it I was circling a drain that I thought I had long said goodbye to.
But that is the lesson I have to relearn over and over again on this journey: Just because I said goodbye to masking the pain, that won’t make the pain go away. It’s radically obvious.
This time around, I didn’t have to fight the desire to get high, I just needed to find a way out that wasn’t going to kill my already fragile spirit.
So I walked around. I walked around my entire neighborhood giving thanks for the falling leaves and autumn wind. The summer to fall transition is the magic hour of the whole year, after all.
And that means horror movies!
I’ll be getting mindful with on of my favorite horror flicks this evening: Let the Right One In. Some horror movies lose their cache after watching them a few times, but this Swedish classic just gets better.
I hope to do the same.